As we age, enzyme production slows, tendons tighten, muscles shrink, and our bodies show signs of wear and tear.
Like many people, I’m interested in maintaining function as I age. I’m less concerned about living longer than I am about living well. Lately, I’ve read several well-meaning articles on the subject and concluded they are sales pitches for modern-day ‘snake oil.’ Fortunately, quack advice follows a well-worn formula and is easy to identify.
The template for selling dodgy health products:
Instill concern in the reader’s mind by quoting statistics demonstrating their health is at risk. For example, at the start of the article, they state startling facts such as “90% of Americans don’t get enough vitamin B12”.
Which means you!
Sometimes statistics like this—for example, 74% of Americans are either overweight or obese—are legit, so it’s not an absolute indication that the article is worthless. However, I get more suspicious if the following paragraph lists generic symptoms—feeling tired mid-afternoon or not sleeping well—that most of us experience now and then.
Build credibility by quoting eminent scientists, particularly Nobel Prize winners. Everyone trusts a Laureate.
You should consider turning the page or closing the browser window, especially if the following paragraph references a groundbreaking advance that the medical establishment is dismissing.
If you get that far through an article, they have you hooked, more or less. So they set the hook by pulling the big finish — “Big Pharma knows this is true, but they won’t make money on the deal, so they spend millions discrediting our product/method.” And there you have it
Offer a solution that’s unique to a single company or product. The sales pitch includes pH water, miracle cures, detox programs, diet plans, and supplements.
Reinforce credibility by using metrics that sound scientific, but are actually quite meaningless. Typically something like: “Our vitamin B12 has a 27% higher metabolic conversion than our competitors.”
Sound like a physician by giving exact instructions on dosing. Ignore the reader may be a slim teenage girl or an obese 60-year-old man.
Sometimes, the author will helpfully lay out the above points in an individual paragraph. But sometimes, you need to put a little effort into checking off all the above points. Go through this checklist the next time you read a wellness article that solves your health questions or concerns.
At this point, you might have an example of a friend, relative, or even yourself having been cured by drinking alkaline water and only wearing cotton. And I will say great. Glad to hear it. But, my sneaking suspicion is that when they were diagnosed with the disease, the afflicted person stopped hitting the booze and eating fast food. They started getting a full eight hours of sleep every night. And spent time taking stock of their life. It wasn’t the latest ‘superfood’ nor the optimal yoga sequence that cured them. It was adopting the adage of their grandparents’ generation — fresh air, good food, exercise, and being nice to others.